Photo by Isaac Lind on Unsplash
The Fantasy Football Census, Vol. 1: Is Your League Normal?
Starting Sep 10 @ 12:00 AMIt's fantasy season. Before it eats you alive, tell us about your league. Not the settings — the real stuff. Did last place actually do the punishment, or did everyone let it slide? How many people quit setting lineups? How many trades actually happened? Eleven questions about your main league. We publish everything when it locks, so you'll finally know whether your league is normal or a genuine problem. Don't spam your group chat — send it to a friend in a league you're not in.
1 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
How many leagues are you in this season?
Pick the correct answer.
One. I'm normal.You have hobbies. We've heard of those.
TwoOne for fun, one for money
ThreeThree draft boards, three separate regrets
FourYou've forgotten to set a lineup at least once
Five or more. Send help.You do not know all your kickers
2 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
Where does your main league live?
Pick the correct answer.
SleeperEmoji reactions on every trade veto
ESPNIt came with the app you already had
YahooStill going. Somehow. Respect.
CBSYou've been here since dial-up
FantraxDynasty people. You know who you are.
MyFantasyLeagueThe interface is from 2003 and the commissioner won't move
FleaflickerYou chose this on purpose. Committed.
RTSportsNobody ends up here by accident
League TycoonContracts, cap space, the whole simulation
3 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
How big is your main league?
Pick the correct answer.
8 teamsEvery roster is stacked and nobody admits it
10 teamsThe waiver wire still has real players
12 teamsTwelve managers, twelve strongly held opinions
14 teamsYou are starting somebody's backup tight end
16+ teams — somebody's starting three kickersBye weeks are a genuine crisis
4 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
What's the buy-in for your main league?
Pick the correct answer.
$0 — pride onlyThe trophy is emotional damage
$1–50Enough to sting, not enough to ruin Thanksgiving
$51–100Somebody is still Venmo-ing you from 2023
$101–250You check your lineup on vacation
$251–500Trades get negotiated like real contracts
$501–1,000You have a spreadsheet. You've named it.
$1,001–5,000A second job with worse hours
$5,001–10,000Your accountant has questions
$10,000+ — please seek helpWe're not judging. We're staring.
5 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
Last season, did your main league have a last-place punishment?
Pick the correct answer.
Yes, and it happenedSomebody actually did the thing
Yes, but nobody enforced itThe loser developed amnesia in January
No punishmentLast place just goes quiet and moves on
We talked about one and never set itBig July energy, no follow-through
6 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
What was the punishment?
Pick the correct answer.
He paidCovers next year's buy-in, the dinner, hosts the draft
League penaltyLast pick next year, forfeits a keeper, has to earn his spot back
Public shameThe photo, the outfit, the trophy on his desk all year
Physical challengeThe 5K, the milk mile, the haircut
Food challengeA quantity of something no adult should attempt
N/A — we didn't have oneSkip if your league is soft
7 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
Last season, how many people in your main league quit setting lineups?
Pick the correct answer.
NobodyTwelve adults, all season. Remarkable.
One personHe stopped answering in October
Two or threeThe bottom of the standings went dark
Half the leagueBy December it was a four-team league
Ask me about Week 14Championship week, decided by somebody's benched starters
My league didn't exist last seasonNew league, clean conscience
8 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
How many trades happened in your main league last season?
Pick the correct answer.
ZeroTwelve managers, one season, zero agreements
1–3The same two guys, obviously
4–8Somebody actually reads the waiver wire
9–15The commissioner reviewed every one of them
16+ — somebody won't stop textingThere is a man in your league with a spreadsheet and a dream
My league didn't exist last seasonNo trade history to speak of
9 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
How long has your main league existed, and how many originals are left?
Pick the correct answer.
First seasonNo history yet, just vibes
2–4 years, most originals still hereEarly enough that everyone still shows up
2–4 years, already turning overLosing people this fast is its own answer
5–9 years, most originals still hereYou've survived multiple group chat migrations
5–9 years, mostly new facesThe originals bailed and nobody brings it up
10+ years, the core is intactSame faces, same arguments, since before some of you had kids
10+ years, I'm one of the last ones standingYou've outlasted everyone. Congratulations, probably.
10 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
How did your main league start?
Pick the correct answer.
CollegeHalf of them you haven't seen in person since
WorkTwo jobs ago, and it's still going
FamilyThanksgiving has stakes now
High school or hometownThe oldest grudges in the league
Strangers from the internetYou know their rosters, not their last names
11 of 11
Sep 10 @ 12:00 AM
Where does your main league actually talk?
Pick the correct answer.
iMessage — all blue, no notesReactions, effects, the full experience
iMessage — yippee, we got green bubbles 🙄One man, one Android, one ruined thread
WhatsAppSomeone in this league lives abroad
DiscordThere are channels. There are roles. There is a bot.
GroupMeHeld over from college and nobody will switch
The league app's chatTrash talk stays where the trades happen
We don't really talk. Bleak.A league of strangers politely setting lineups
Game chat
Sign in to participate in the chat.